Tony Abbotts Christmas Do

This was the first of three poems written for Christmas 2012.

The Idea was to have a bit of fun at the LNP’s expense.

Tony  Abbotts  Christmas Do

The Abbott invitations… were all posted out

For the big… Christmas party… he’d planned

It’s to be… fancy dress… with no particular.. theme

Except all… normal clothing… was banned

The only stipulation.. for attending the Do was

That only.. the radical right.. were allowed

With Little.. Johnny Howard… the man of the minute

Feeling pumped up… and ever so proud

:)

He‘s been asked..  to be.. Tones guest of honour

Although honour’s.. not really.. his strength

As he once taught the Abbott.. that to win in this game

You must be driven… and go…. to any length

To lie… and cheat… are the tools of… the trade.

To be used….. by a Liberal….. politician

Using economic sleight of hand… to distract… from his stand

On mad ideologies… like some manic.. magician

:)

So the Abbott… the host… with the least… not the most

Dressed up… in the role of…  Santa Clause

But the role didn’t work… cos the Abbott’s a jerk

Delivering presents.. through all the wrong doors

But he practiced his lines.. for appropriate times

With the heartiest of…. HO.. HO.. HO… HOs

But to his great chagrin… he was so full of spin

That they always came out.. NO… NO… NOs

:)

The Cathedral was booked.. and the figures were cooked

So they could… claim it all back… on their tax

A shelf company was bought.. just in case they got caught

Playing fast… loose  and rough… with the facts

George Pell’s.. his MC…. For the Christmas party

Coming dressed… as a Pope… on a rope

Cos the Abbott you see… wants him tied to the tree

To protect all his presents…… the dope!

:)

With Pyne on the door… checking invites galore

And his mate Ashby …. there by his side

For this night.. all was good.. as he reflectively stood

Wagging his… long fluffy tail… with such.. pride

With his eyes.. all aglow.. and his chest puffed.. for show

And.. by his side… dummies packed… in a pail

But his mate seemed unimpressed.. as he was totally obsessed

By the vision… of the poodles… wagging tail

:)

The bouncer was Joe…..cos a punch he could throw

With his size.. and his…. “I’ll hurt you”… pout

And it’s his leaders big show… so he couldn’t say no

Or the Abbott…. would knock him…… right out

So dressed up as Fred Flintstone.. complete with a big bone

He wandered round…. looking for… strife

But.. when he stepped in… people just gave a grin

As irrelevance …. is sloppy Joe’s… life

:)

The Bishop waltzed in…. with her usual spin

And a smile… plastered over… her face

On the door… Chris was shocked…. And.. went off half cocked

Cos the smile… just looked so… out of place

But she gave him a pat… and said… stop doing that

I need practice… to get… the look… fine

For the time when the Abbott… gets cooked like a rabbit

And the keys… to his office… are mine

:)

Lucrezia Borgia….. Pope Alexanders… Daughter

Was the costume…. she’d chosen… to sport

An ill repute girl.. who’d give anything.. a whirl

For political….. advantage… to court

With parallels clear… to the bird standing here

And the rest… of her party… as well

For the Borgia’s and Libs… both used stabbings and fibs

And are tainted… by the same.. corruption… smell

:)

Malcolm Turnbull snuck in… on the strength of his spin

Saying… his invite.. got lost… in the mail

And… Ashby said sure… guiding him through the door

While the poodle.. looked round.. for his pail

“What are you doing”.. he cried… “that damned tree hugger lied

It’s only… for us…. rabid right”

But Ashby just smiled… making Pyne.. feel defiled

Ashby knows… Pyne’s.. bark’s.. worse…. than his bite

:)

So with Turnbull inside…. and along for the ride

In the costume.. of.. Alexander.. G Bell

The irony was missed.. by the minister.. still pissed

Dealing with… the portfolio…. from hell

Telling lies to appease.. the Libs.. leadership sleaze

About a system.. he really believes in

With Bell.. turning in his grave.. over Turnbull the knave

And his.. mendaciously bad… NBN spin

:)

Little Johnny was late… cos he just had to wait

For the right time.. to make… his arrival

A lesson he learnt… trying not to get burnt

When it comes… to political.. survival

His entrance was planned…. to be the most grand

Dressed as Lazarus.. brought back… from the dead

But the problem he had… was the costume was bad.. Like

Wee Willy Winkey…. Just got out of bed.

:)

His night-shirt was long… and the decay smell was strong

From old policies….. festering.. away

It was a smell you could tell… that would linger quite well

Cos they’re all…. well past.. their… used by day

He stopped beside Tones… who was thinking of bones

He could point… at the Ranga… usurper

He’d tried all that he had….. being deceitful and bad

But nothing…. he threw seemed to…. hurt her

:)

But his presents were stacked… as his guests… stood and clapped

And he got himself… set for the start

Introduced by George Pell… who was ringing his bell

Abbott let go…. a massive.. brain fart

But the crowd didn’t care… because they were just there

To support him… whatever… he said

Cos they knew in their hearts… support Abbotts brain farts

Or risk… a quick punch… to the head

:)

So the party got going… with the alcohol.. flowing

To wash… Annus …. Horribilis …  away

At the sound of Pell’s  chime… it was party trick time

And Costello… stepped into… the fray

Dressed up as a clown… juggling books up and down

With a technique… that’s shonky… for sure

While some fans applauded him.. some smart arse cried.. audit him

And his books promptly crashed to the floor

:)

Eric Abetz was quite jumpy… as the dwarf that was… grumpy

And his old mate… George Brandis was there

With a costume of fur  that seemed very obscure

Looking something like… Poo.. minus… Bear

But they both took the stage… and in spite of their age

They attempted…. an athletic… rendition

Of the rise…. of the right… to a dizzying height

But collapsed…. like a dysfunctional…. coalition

:)

Then Sophie the Hun… dressed up like a nun

Stepped up to the stage… for her spell

But her habit dropped free… revealing more than just knee

As she started… a lap dance… on Pell

Burlesque was her theme… shocking her front bench team

Sending Pyne.. to his pail… for a dummy

Which he spat… with all might.. at the terrible sight

Hitting… Barnaby Joyce… in the tummy

:)

Now Barnaby’s dream… was to diffuse the scene

With his own party trick… fire breathing

So with metho in gob.. he felt up to the job

But misjudged… the amount of Pynes….. seething

And the dummy hit hard.. spraying fire a yard

Where it caught on the presents… and tree

And pandemonium broke out.. as up went a shout

And the Liberals… all blamed… Barnaby

:)

Now the heat of the fire.. rose up through the spire

Till the star… at the top… started glowing

And the media’s night…  was made up.. by the sight

And the sign.. that Devine blessings.. were flowing

And they all went away.. to prepare.. headlines next day

Stating… ‘Abbott’s big bash…. a success’

Knowing naught of the fire… or the heat in the spire

Or the truth… of the un-Godly… mess

:)

Now the fire burnt out…  helped by Johnny’s water spout

And a lot of hot air from Joe Hockey

Who was left to clean up… with the mendacious pup

And Ashby who was… somewhat less cocky

And it ceased being fun… so they called the night done

Hoping.. there’d be… no political…. cost

And the Abbott reflected.. feeling somewhat dejected

On his pressies… and the tree… that was lost

:)

And his guests all went home… leaving Tony alone

To reflect… on the state… of his party

With his policy lack…. and Miss Gillard… fighting back

And his brain… being nothing but…. Farty

But it’s his…. right to rule… and he knows he’s no fool

So he just… has to stick… to his guns

And he can still sink their ship…  being no ice berg…  all tip

Cos the media… will still score him… the runs

:)

So he’ll continue his stand… with his head in the sand

And repressing….. his misogyny… he’ll try

To continue the battle…. With the ALP cattle

And the cow… that won’t…. lay down and die

And poll numbers won’t matter.. when the ALP scatter

And he’ll claim his right spot.. as the king of the lot

And he’ll make them all pay.. with his grand power play

And he knows his best chance… is to continue the dance

In his own… little pugilist…. Way

He’ll delight in the fight…. and he’ll fight…. for the Right

Cos after Christmas…… comes…….… Boxing Day!

:)

 
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About Truth Seeker

Musician singer/songwriter, guitar teacher. https://truthseekersmusings.wordpress.com/
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One Response to Tony Abbotts Christmas Do

  1. Pingback: LNP, The best of! | Truth Seekers Musings

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