Captain Turdball and the good ship Titanic

Captain Turdball and the good ship Titanic.

As the high farce that is laughingly called LNP Government, continues, and the joke of Turdball’s (And I use the term loosely) “Leadership” stumbles from one crisis to another, I have once again been prompted to attack the keyboard, this time for a poem, based around the many and varied references to ships, and  comparisons to the disastrous voyage of the Titanic.

And as the “Newspolls” have become the Iceberg to Turdball’s TCT Titanic, I felt it incumbent upon me to run with the advent of inspiration I had, whilst having a break from Mondays crazy, fast paced circus , to do the dishes, and respond in the best way I know how!

So I give to you…


Captain Turdball and the good ship Titanic.


I’m a strong leader, Captain Turdball declared

From the bridge of the good ship Titanic

Though there’s lots of Kerfuffle

All the deck chairs we’ll shuffle

So there really is no need to panic


And the iceberg that’s hit, is a bit of a shit

And created a problem not sought

But we’re patching the hole

With a large chunk of coal

And the truth is… It’s all Labors fault!


But I’m good in a crisis he cried with conviction

As he called for his first mate named Joyce

He’ll settle the ship

Cause he’s good with a whip

And his Kiwi ancestry is choice


He’s an old drovers dog who’s quite partial to grog

And he certainly drinks more than he ought’er

But he won’t let us drown

Cause the ship can’t go down

When the Kiwi has sold all the water!


My name’s Barnaby and it’s great to be me

He announced as he entered the bridge

You know I’m your man

I’m a true Turdball fan

And an Aussie that’s true rudgy didge … Hick


So I’ll rally the troops, with a fine rousing speech

And dispel any worry or fear

Cause they all need to know

That I’m running the show

As soon as I have this last beer


Then the Chief Steward came in with his sickly grin

“Steward Pyne is reporting for duty”

“I’m a fixer” he said

With a nod of his head

“And besides that, a bit of a cutie”


I will gather my mates, and we’ll lock all the gates

So the plebs will be trapped down below

Cause they smell and need bathing

While the wealthy need saving

After all, it’s a corporate show


And I’ll keep the band playing, so the people keep saying

That we’re all doing really good jobs

And as a way to distract

From the perceptual fact

We’re a sick bunch of self serving knobs


But the ship kept on sinking while the first mate kept drinking

Till the beer on the bridge was no more

And the glow from his face

Could be spotted from space

As the back of his head hit the floor


While purser Scotty got pouty, and so very shouty

Saying Labor is clearly to blame

The boat master Dutton

With an IQ of mutton

Started rambling much of the same


Jools the director of cruising was out for a bruising

With her death stare all primed for a fight

But with the ship slowly sinking

And five minutes thinking

She ordered a charter plane home for the night


So the captain got terse, as his black mood got worse

And he saw his dreams taking a hit

And he yelled from his gob

I paid heaps for this job

And now everything’s turning to shit


While Christian the Porter does just what he aught’er

Directing the people to leave

Forcing many to jump

With a kick up the rump

While the lifeboats he kept up his sleeve


So, “Abandon the ship”, was the call that went out

From the crew of the good ship Titanic

“First children and women”

“Then start yourselves swimmin’”

“And please, just try hard not to panic”


Then, with them in the water, that fine Christian porter

Watched on as they tried to find floats

As the Turdball came down

With his fine captains crown

Crying “Ok men, man the lifeboats!”


But the people said NO to the Mal Turdball show

With his self serving right wing agenda

With his hubris plain

And his crew quite insane

And like Abbott, a major truth bender


So the captives were freed from the decks down below

And the Captain Turdball was disgraced

Though they loved him at first

They soon learned he’s the worst

And a wanker completely two faced


So the people were saved, while what sad Turdball craved

Turned to shit in the blink of an eye

With his crew all deserting

And his huge ego hurting

And his dreams turned to pie in the sky


So the moral for all those who lead from behind

With ambition exceeding their station

And the lessons to learn

Is that hubris will burn

And self praise is NO recommendation!


About Truth Seeker

Musician singer/songwriter, guitar teacher.
This entry was posted in Political Poems, Political satire and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to Captain Turdball and the good ship Titanic

  1. lefturnahead says:

    Hi Truthie, good to see you back on the boards…. and great poem to boot!*!*

    Liked by 2 people

  2. JohnB says:

    Hey Truthy, keep pounding them poems out!
    I reckon we’ve got the LNP on the ropes – the panic is setting in, especially amongst the god-botherers.

    Popcorn is not enough these days, I’m baying for political blood – but the real problem remains; how do we rid our country of the neoliberal curse – it’s infiltrated and corrupted politics everywhere I look.

    Sally Mc Manus for PM I say, with Ged Kearney as deputy PM and Wayne Swan as treasurer.!!
    and…can I have it for Christmas please??

    Liked by 1 person

    • Truth Seeker says:

      Hey John 🙂

      Yes mate, I was inspired by the circus of federal Parliament, and you’re right, they’re on the ropes!
      And as I said, there are just so many references sinking boats WRT this mob, I really do think it’s only a matter of time till they completely self destruct!

      I do agree, both good women, and Rudd rewriting history has changed my mind about Swanny either… They would make a great leadership team.

      Cheers mate 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. olddavey says:

    Nice one TS, a tour de force about a tour de FARCE.
    The late lamented George Young sums Cap’n Feathersword right here!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Truth Seeker says:

      Hey Olddavey 🙂 Thanks mate,
      Yes, it’s been a while since I was inspired enough to write a poem, but this mobs incompetence and stupidity just keeps giving and giving, and it even managed to break through the craziness that is life on the transplant list! 😳

      Cheers mate 🙂


      • olddavey says:

        Look after yourself, my friend.
        Hope that list’s getting shorter!

        Liked by 1 person

        • Truth Seeker says:

          Thanks mate 🙂
          One of the odd things about the “List”, is that there is no queue involved, as you just have to wait until they get a donor that’s a size and blood group/genetic match, so at the support group, we met met a woman who was listed on Thursday, and had a new set of lungs three days later, on the following Sunday 😯 and we also met a woman who had been on the list for 26 weeks, and was really suffering! 😦

          Having said that, I’ve been on the list now for six weeks tomorrow, and both the surgeon and the director of the transplant team said that they didn’t think I’ll be on the list very long, as I’m in the best size and blood group demographic, so we just have to wait. 🙂

          Anyway mate, it took me nearly two years of hard work to get on the list, so as hard as it is, I’m glad to be on it, and we are just hoping for the best.

          Thanks again mate 🙂

          Cheers 🙂


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