Captain Turdball and the good ship Titanic.
As the high farce that is laughingly called LNP Government, continues, and the joke of Turdball’s (And I use the term loosely) “Leadership” stumbles from one crisis to another, I have once again been prompted to attack the keyboard, this time for a poem, based around the many and varied references to ships, and comparisons to the disastrous voyage of the Titanic.
And as the “Newspolls” have become the Iceberg to Turdball’s TCT Titanic, I felt it incumbent upon me to run with the advent of inspiration I had, whilst having a break from Mondays crazy, fast paced circus , to do the dishes, and respond in the best way I know how!
So I give to you…
Captain Turdball and the good ship Titanic.
I’m a strong leader, Captain Turdball declared
From the bridge of the good ship Titanic
Though there’s lots of Kerfuffle
All the deck chairs we’ll shuffle
So there really is no need to panic
😛
And the iceberg that’s hit, is a bit of a shit
And created a problem not sought
But we’re patching the hole
With a large chunk of coal
And the truth is… It’s all Labors fault!
😛
But I’m good in a crisis he cried with conviction
As he called for his first mate named Joyce
He’ll settle the ship
Cause he’s good with a whip
And his Kiwi ancestry is choice
😉
He’s an old drovers dog who’s quite partial to grog
And he certainly drinks more than he ought’er
But he won’t let us drown
Cause the ship can’t go down
When the Kiwi has sold all the water!
😯
My name’s Barnaby and it’s great to be me
He announced as he entered the bridge
You know I’m your man
I’m a true Turdball fan
And an Aussie that’s true rudgy didge … Hick
So I’ll rally the troops, with a fine rousing speech
And dispel any worry or fear
Cause they all need to know
That I’m running the show
As soon as I have this last beer
🙄
Then the Chief Steward came in with his sickly grin
“Steward Pyne is reporting for duty”
“I’m a fixer” he said
With a nod of his head
“And besides that, a bit of a cutie”
😉
I will gather my mates, and we’ll lock all the gates
So the plebs will be trapped down below
Cause they smell and need bathing
While the wealthy need saving
After all, it’s a corporate show
😉
And I’ll keep the band playing, so the people keep saying
That we’re all doing really good jobs
And as a way to distract
From the perceptual fact
We’re a sick bunch of self serving knobs
😯
But the ship kept on sinking while the first mate kept drinking
Till the beer on the bridge was no more
And the glow from his face
Could be spotted from space
As the back of his head hit the floor
🙄
While purser Scotty got pouty, and so very shouty
Saying Labor is clearly to blame
The boat master Dutton
With an IQ of mutton
Started rambling much of the same
😉
Jools the director of cruising was out for a bruising
With her death stare all primed for a fight
But with the ship slowly sinking
And five minutes thinking
She ordered a charter plane home for the night
😛
So the captain got terse, as his black mood got worse
And he saw his dreams taking a hit
And he yelled from his gob
I paid heaps for this job
And now everything’s turning to shit
😦
While Christian the Porter does just what he aught’er
Directing the people to leave
Forcing many to jump
With a kick up the rump
While the lifeboats he kept up his sleeve
😉
So, “Abandon the ship”, was the call that went out
From the crew of the good ship Titanic
“First children and women”
“Then start yourselves swimmin’”
“And please, just try hard not to panic”
😦
Then, with them in the water, that fine Christian porter
Watched on as they tried to find floats
As the Turdball came down
With his fine captains crown
Crying “Ok men, man the lifeboats!”
😆
But the people said NO to the Mal Turdball show
With his self serving right wing agenda
With his hubris plain
And his crew quite insane
And like Abbott, a major truth bender
😯
So the captives were freed from the decks down below
And the Captain Turdball was disgraced
Though they loved him at first
They soon learned he’s the worst
And a wanker completely two faced
😛
So the people were saved, while what sad Turdball craved
Turned to shit in the blink of an eye
With his crew all deserting
And his huge ego hurting
And his dreams turned to pie in the sky
😦
So the moral for all those who lead from behind
With ambition exceeding their station
And the lessons to learn
Is that hubris will burn
And self praise is NO recommendation!
😛